by Anna
Meredith has recently written a thought provoking post about how difficult it is to be genuinely loving and accepting in the context of being a role model to your child.
Wouldn't it be great if we could go to bed every night happy with who we were that day, happy with the person our child saw? Well, that's not going to happen, at least not every night. Because no one's perfect. And I don't want Breadcrumb thinking that anyone could be - what a burden to be growing up with that would be! I do however want him to know that even if we will never achieve perfection, we should still try to become the best people we possibly can be, and that - at least for me - means being loving and accepting.
Far from being perfect at it, and aware of some issues I still have to figure out for myself in the context, I thought I was doing rather well all things considered. But Meredith's post made me rethink things, and the more I thought, the more questions appeared.Surely wanting to protect your child from bad influence does not make one less loving and accepting? For instance, wanting him protected from (which does not mean ignorant of) extremism (so the very opposite of loving-and-accepting-ness)? Surely the fact that we choose to enhance certain influences in our child's life, and prefer to keep others away, does not make us hypocrites when we teach them about love and acceptance? One day, when they're older and ready to make their own, mature, informed decisions it will be different, but surely until then it is our job to protect them from all harm, even if it means refusing to let some people into their lives?
Can we not be loving and accepting of people without necessarily wanting to spend time with them? And isn't being accepting about giving others the right to believe different things and act in different ways without necessarily having to accept their beliefs and actions in our children's lives? Is indiscriminate acceptance really what we should aim for? If so, would speaking out against ANYTHING not be un-loving? Are we to be accepting of hatred?
Gah! Big issue, requiring lots of philosophising that I don't really have the brains for (Breadcrumb is currently getting up at 5...).
I needed a quick fix, so I thought: what did Jesus do? After all, he was the most loving and accepting person EVER. Who did he hang out with? Was he indiscriminately accepting?
Well, no, he wasn't. He got exasperated with people. He even got angry. But he was indiscriminately loving. So maybe we need to separate the two?
As for people around him, well, as he was genuine in living his faith openly in front of all, he was surrounded by likeminded people - others simply were not interested. Which doesn't mean he rejected them, but he didn't force them to be his friends either. So maybe if we are genuine in living out our faith, we will attract people whose beliefs and actions we want around our kids anyway?
One thing I know for sure: motherhood made me more loving than I've ever been before. My heart is full to bursting of joy and thankfulness and I feel an incessant urge to pay it forward. I have less to spare than before, but I give more. I have less time and energy than before, but I get more involved in my community. And somehow it's less of a hassle too. Knowing that Breadcrumb will look up to me makes me want to become a better person each day. I can only hope that's enough.
Meredith has recently written a thought provoking post about how difficult it is to be genuinely loving and accepting in the context of being a role model to your child.
Wouldn't it be great if we could go to bed every night happy with who we were that day, happy with the person our child saw? Well, that's not going to happen, at least not every night. Because no one's perfect. And I don't want Breadcrumb thinking that anyone could be - what a burden to be growing up with that would be! I do however want him to know that even if we will never achieve perfection, we should still try to become the best people we possibly can be, and that - at least for me - means being loving and accepting.
Far from being perfect at it, and aware of some issues I still have to figure out for myself in the context, I thought I was doing rather well all things considered. But Meredith's post made me rethink things, and the more I thought, the more questions appeared.Surely wanting to protect your child from bad influence does not make one less loving and accepting? For instance, wanting him protected from (which does not mean ignorant of) extremism (so the very opposite of loving-and-accepting-ness)? Surely the fact that we choose to enhance certain influences in our child's life, and prefer to keep others away, does not make us hypocrites when we teach them about love and acceptance? One day, when they're older and ready to make their own, mature, informed decisions it will be different, but surely until then it is our job to protect them from all harm, even if it means refusing to let some people into their lives?
Can we not be loving and accepting of people without necessarily wanting to spend time with them? And isn't being accepting about giving others the right to believe different things and act in different ways without necessarily having to accept their beliefs and actions in our children's lives? Is indiscriminate acceptance really what we should aim for? If so, would speaking out against ANYTHING not be un-loving? Are we to be accepting of hatred?
Gah! Big issue, requiring lots of philosophising that I don't really have the brains for (Breadcrumb is currently getting up at 5...).
I needed a quick fix, so I thought: what did Jesus do? After all, he was the most loving and accepting person EVER. Who did he hang out with? Was he indiscriminately accepting?
Well, no, he wasn't. He got exasperated with people. He even got angry. But he was indiscriminately loving. So maybe we need to separate the two?
As for people around him, well, as he was genuine in living his faith openly in front of all, he was surrounded by likeminded people - others simply were not interested. Which doesn't mean he rejected them, but he didn't force them to be his friends either. So maybe if we are genuine in living out our faith, we will attract people whose beliefs and actions we want around our kids anyway?
One thing I know for sure: motherhood made me more loving than I've ever been before. My heart is full to bursting of joy and thankfulness and I feel an incessant urge to pay it forward. I have less to spare than before, but I give more. I have less time and energy than before, but I get more involved in my community. And somehow it's less of a hassle too. Knowing that Breadcrumb will look up to me makes me want to become a better person each day. I can only hope that's enough.