by Anna
Here are the facts: God gave me a healthy, happy baby, who is growing and developing like a dream, grabbing things and producing sounds in due time or even prematurely (according to my wise parenting book). I have been truly blessed, ergo I should be thankful.
And I am. Most of the time, I look in those blue eyes, and see that beaming smile, and hear those cutest noises (btw. the French have it right, he says 'arreugh' not 'a-goo'!) and I do feel blessed. Even if they happen to be happening at stupid o'clock.
But sometimes I just feel miserable. I look at myself in the mirror and see old and ugly. I think back to before baby and miss being my own person. I get annoyed when Breadcrumb refuses to have his usual lie-in or take his afternoon nap, as it deprives me of the opportunity to do something for myself (or take my own nap). And I feel sorry for myself. And then I feel selfish, which makes me feel guilty, because – see first paragraph.
Leah pointed me to the blog by CJane Kendrick (www.cjanekendrick.com), and boy was that a good read, the woman's done it several times and clearly knows what she's talking about, at least I choose to think so as it works for me. So:
1. Indeed, mothering is not a sacrifice one should be pedestalled for. It is a lifestyle choice we make, and I totally agree – it is about doing what is right for you. Happy mummy equals happy children. Besides, women who see mothering as a sacrifice they should be pedestalled for produce miserable and neurotic children. I know, I was raised by one.
However, making that choice requires a (voluntary!) sacrifice – you have to let go of the life you led before and accept that your new name is mummy. And post-partum insanity is about making sense of that. Which leads me to point 2:
2. Post-partum insanity is ok. I can feel miserable at times, and that's ok. It doesn't make me a horrible mother or an ungrateful person. It doesn't deny my genuine and deep thankfulness and love for Breadcrumb. I wish I had someone around to tell me that before (preferably repeatedly).
3. I think it's time for a haircut.
Here are the facts: God gave me a healthy, happy baby, who is growing and developing like a dream, grabbing things and producing sounds in due time or even prematurely (according to my wise parenting book). I have been truly blessed, ergo I should be thankful.
And I am. Most of the time, I look in those blue eyes, and see that beaming smile, and hear those cutest noises (btw. the French have it right, he says 'arreugh' not 'a-goo'!) and I do feel blessed. Even if they happen to be happening at stupid o'clock.
But sometimes I just feel miserable. I look at myself in the mirror and see old and ugly. I think back to before baby and miss being my own person. I get annoyed when Breadcrumb refuses to have his usual lie-in or take his afternoon nap, as it deprives me of the opportunity to do something for myself (or take my own nap). And I feel sorry for myself. And then I feel selfish, which makes me feel guilty, because – see first paragraph.
Leah pointed me to the blog by CJane Kendrick (www.cjanekendrick.com), and boy was that a good read, the woman's done it several times and clearly knows what she's talking about, at least I choose to think so as it works for me. So:
1. Indeed, mothering is not a sacrifice one should be pedestalled for. It is a lifestyle choice we make, and I totally agree – it is about doing what is right for you. Happy mummy equals happy children. Besides, women who see mothering as a sacrifice they should be pedestalled for produce miserable and neurotic children. I know, I was raised by one.
However, making that choice requires a (voluntary!) sacrifice – you have to let go of the life you led before and accept that your new name is mummy. And post-partum insanity is about making sense of that. Which leads me to point 2:
2. Post-partum insanity is ok. I can feel miserable at times, and that's ok. It doesn't make me a horrible mother or an ungrateful person. It doesn't deny my genuine and deep thankfulness and love for Breadcrumb. I wish I had someone around to tell me that before (preferably repeatedly).
3. I think it's time for a haircut.