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Spiritual Playfulness

1/4/2015

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By Meredith


The idea of a blog on the spiritual side of motherhood sounds really heavy and I've struggled a bit to come up with new things to say on the topic.  There isn't too much to do for an infant, spiritually speaking, besides picking the religion, if any, that you want for him and doing whatever sort of infant initiation that religion has... or is there?

Somewhere between last Sunday's "Music Sunday" celebration at my congregation, memories of the jubilant side of Palm Sunday (& Easter) celebrations as a child (Maundy Thursday and Good Friday being things I didn't really notice until Middle School) and of course, today's April Fools' Day. I'm reminded that spirituality, like childhood and, by consequence, Motherhood, should include a certain amount of frivolity and play. 

Sweet Pea has played peek a boo and other simple games for a while, but he seems more and more playful by the day and I love it.  It's also glorious how a little play can make the daily grind more enjoyable.  Just last weekend, Sweet Pea started a game of peek a boo (using the clothing I was wearing, unfortunately, but it was all he could reach) while grocery shopping.  I'll take that over fussing to get picked up everyday of the week. 

Some games are more fun than others, he likes the one where he un-stacks things I've just stacked.  I enjoy that game more when it's blocks or stacking rings than when it's books on the shelf, but even when it's books I try to remember that this is both fun and learning for him.  (And do my best to direct him to his own bookcase and to leave the grown-up books alone). 

There's a lot of talk about how we need to let kids play, these days, but I really believe it's just as good for the adult spirit to embrace a play.  So today, I'll be looking for a good opportunity to enjoy April Fools- and I plan to play.
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Synthetic Children

23/3/2015

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By Meredith

So, some controversial topics have been in the news.  And also, coming from a contrarian "friend" on my Facebook feed who dug up a blog from donor-conceived children who oppose donor conception. 

It's a strange sort of phenomenon, donor-conceived children faced with the same sort of questions adopted children, "illegitimate" children and orphans have been facing for decades deciding that because their conception was intentional (and money was exchanges) they are some how especially bad off and shouldn't exist (ignoring of course the fact that MORE money is often exchanged in the .  It's also something, I saw and made my peace with long before my son was conceived. 

For purposes of this blog, more details aren't important.  What is important, I suppose, is how am I going to protect the sweet, completely real and genuine soul I've been entrusted to care for, in a world that calls him synthetic- and questions whether he should even exist.  Not just in pop culture, but in spaces I thought were safe. 

This, of course, is the biggest reason why he'll be dedicated in the Unitarian Universalist faith rather than baptized in the Presbyterian church like I was.  I thought I had found church home that was safe from such judgments.

But the "friend" in question, is one I met through the UU church.  And it makes me ill to think about that fact. 

Is there no safe place for my son?  Psychologically safe.  As in, no one should be debating whether our family should exist.  It DOES exist and we're healthy, happy and productive.  Every family should be so lucky as ours. 

I can't escape judgment- especially not as a woman with her own economic independence in the Southern US (And I'm cisgender, straight and white, imagine how much worse other folks have it?).  And if I were going to let the judgment of society (or even those I attend church with)  control my behavior, I wouldn't have made it very far in life. 

For now, I take comfort in the fact that had that exchange taken place inside the church walls and not on FB, someone else would have come to the defense of my son's right to exist (and my right to reproduce).  But, this is something that will weigh on my heart for a while, I fear.  
 
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Praying for a Change

13/3/2015

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by Leah

We've had a string of rough nights over here Chez LDubs.  Little Bit had a fever three days in a row, then some lovely episodes of gassiness brought on by her newly discovered love of roasted broccoli (Parenting score: +10 points for the child eating, and actually liking, a healthily prepared vegetable; -25 points for forgetting to give her gas drops BEFORE she woke up at 2 in the morning screaming like a banshee and farting explosively).  

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Releasing My Arrow

6/3/2015

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By Meredith

Sunday, I left Sweet Pea in the Church* Nursery for the First time.  In fact, it's the first time I've left him for more than 15 minutes with someone other than my mother.  (And those 15 minutes were with his godparents).  

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On What to Say to a New Mum

16/2/2015

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by Anna

The other Saturday, Breadcrumb, his Dad and I embarked on a lengthy trek to Oxford for a suit fitting (Breadcrumb's Dad is to be an usher at his Auntie's wedding and the closest designated shop happened to be there). We decided to use the opportunity to see a long unseen friend of ours, hence the whole family went. Needless to say, Oxford pubs are not particularly toddler friendly and I spent a lot of time with a wriggly child in my arms. So by the time the actual suit fitting was taking place I was not a happy bunny.

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On Trust

3/2/2015

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It's official - I have a toddler! Breadcrumb took his first hesitant steps a few weeks back, and as I am proudly looking at his feats I can't help but marvel at the absolute trust he has in me: he knows that he can safely try to walk because at the other side of those few steps I will be waiting to catch him. Similarly, he giggles with delight as his dad pretends to drop him, because he knows he won't actually let go.


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On Worshipping God with Your Whole Self

10/11/2014

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by Anna

Two weeks ago I went to my old church, where we used to live before Breadcrumb (yes, this post has been brewing for two weeks now, just shows how much free time - and free state of mind - I have these days...). It was lovely to see everyone and Breadcrumb was being really good considering all the new faces and new surroundings. After the service, one woman came up to me and said: "I was watching you dancing away with your baby during the hymns, and it was just so great!"

The sermon had been on Matthew 22:37-38 in relation with Deuteronomy 6:5 - loving God with all your soul, heart, mind, strength, and the minister expanded it to all your self, including your body too.

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What Not to Say to a New Mom

5/11/2014

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by Leah

One of my favorite bloggers wrote a post awhile ago about what one is allowed to say to a pregnant woman:

1. You look great!
2.  Would you like to sit down?
3.  Can I get you a cookie?

Her point being, there are a lot of OTHER things one should NOT say to a pregnant woman, mostly involving her appearance (girth, weight, water retention, tiredness, etc. etc.).  

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Discovering Gratitude

29/10/2014

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By Meredith

I’ll admit, I’ve never been good at gratitude.  I never really understood it.  As someone who struggled with depression at one time in my life, I have become adept at identifying unhealthy thought patterns and attempts at fostering gratitude have always led to such thoughts for me. 

When Oprah or a spiritual leader or a well-meaning friend or therapist would tell me to keep a “gratitude journal” and think every day of the things I had to be grateful for/about, I tended to come up with a list of things I have that I don’t deserve/didn’t earn, the privileges and unfair advantages I have in my life- or else those things that could be taken away in this precarious world we live in. 

I am blessed with intelligence that gives me an unfair advantage over many in the working world.  I was blessed to be born into a family that emphasized the value of education- or else I’d never have learnt to read, much less received two graduate/professional degrees.  I have a good job, but no guarantee that it’ll be here tomorrow.   (Let’s not even get into the scary thoughts around the people I love).  But, you get the idea, attempting to be deliberately grateful left me feeling guilty and vulnerable; which really aren’t terribly helpful emotions.  

But, I found myself, this past week, writing a Facebook post full of “I’m grateful” without having any of the negative emotions associated with it.  He is fine now, but a nephew of mine who is about 12 had gotten something stuck in his throat and the sprawl of our town being what it is, he’d been sent from one emergency room to another in an ambulance so that he and his parents ended up around the corner from my work and over an hour away (in good traffic) from his mother’s car and their home.  Rush hour and their other child’s activities being what they were, my brother and his wife needed someone to sit with my nephew for a while so they could get other things sorted.  I was in the right place at the right time (with my breast pump with me) and Sweet Pea was at our home (an hour away in traffic that time of day) with my mother and a stash of frozen breast milk in the freezer.  I was able to help and to be confident that Sweet Pea was in good hands and I was able to assist my nephew and his parents.  And it felt good that things lined up so that I could be useful- without being worried about Sweet Pea. 

I’m not sure if this was a one-off or not.  I actually tend to think that my emotional health started to improve the day I decided to stop waiting for “Mr. Right” and start taking steps to build the life I wanted (to be a mother) on my own.  It might also have to do with changes that came from a 2 year struggle with infertility.  It might also have to do with having found a “village” both in the form of a new church and in the form of an extended network of moms – both SMCs (Single Mothers by Choice) and others, who leave me feeling supported.  But whatever it is, I feel like I have “discovered” this gratitude thing everyone has always been talking about.  And it does feel as good as they say. 

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Belovedness

28/10/2014

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by Leah

In Greg Boyle's most excellent book, Tattoos on the Heart,* he tells the story of his Jesuit mentor caring for the mentor's dying father in his last days.  Every night the son, exhausted from the sheer non-stop physicality of meeting his frail father's needs, would begin to read him to sleep, eager to finish their ritual so he himself could get some much-needed rest.  Only--and if you're a parent you're probably familiar with this part of the ritual--his dad refused to go to sleep.  The son would admonish his dad to shut his eyes, then return to the soothing story, only to look up moments later and find one of his dad's eyes "impishly" open, his face pleated in a smile, unable to take his gaze off of his son.  This admonish, obediently close, sneak another look cycle would repeat itself over and over as the father soaked in the sight of his beloved son.

I often feel that way about Little Bit.  Her dad and I will have just spent 30 (occasionally 60? ...90? depending on the day) minutes doing her bedtime routine or getting her ready for a nap, cajoling her into sleep, and staying with her until it really settles in, and then, when we've FINALLY gotten to the moment we've so desperately yearned for--sleep! a shower! a run! or, you know, other adult activities...--we find ourselves still stuck by her side, gazing at her wonderful face as she sleeps.  

She is perfect.  

I mean that in this way: parents often talk about how, when their child is finally peacefully asleep, they feel like they can recharge from however challenging, frustrating, or just plain tiresome their child has been that day.  But to us, her parents, Little Bit's perfection--her "just rightness"--also includes the fussing, pooping, and mischievous sleep-avoidance tactics, even the eardrum-bursting screams when we've kept her out too late and the endless middle-of-the-night wakeups when she's gassy.   We love her so dang much that we love all of her, even the difficult parts.

And that, Father Greg says, is how God loves us--only even more so:
"God would seem to be too occupied in being unable to take Her eyes off of us to spend any time raising an eyebrow in disapproval.  What's true of Jesus is true for us: 'You are my Beloved, in whom I am wonderfully pleased.'"

Enjoy it. :) 

*If you are a preacher, get thee to this book, for it is full of fabulous sermon stories (and a bunch of swearing--you were warned). 
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