by Anna
Matthew 26:36-40 indeed shows us the direction – this kind of social love is indeed a big part of what it is all about. Being loving towards the strangers in need like this is not easy, in that it requires effort – we need to give up our time, energy and/or money, that we are not always willing to give up – it is however relatively easy as volunteering or supporting charities financially does not put us in relationships personal enough to challenge us to truly love. We can, of course, seek those relationships, but I dare say that it is rare. Most of us show up, serve a number of meals or do our shift at Winter Warmth, and go home feeling good about ourselves, having been loving towards others, but without having actually loved.
With our partners/husbands and children, it is usually fairly easy to both love them and be loving towards them, even if they exasperate us at times – and then it is not always easy to tend to the needs of our families with joy and gladness!
But then there is that one more group of people – the most tricky one in terms of love: people who unnerve us. There both loving them and being loving towards them is a challenge, yet it is something we all have to learn if we want to honestly call ourselves followers of Jesus (Matthew 5:44-47).
We all have people in our lives who fall into that category. For me, there's my Mother (but that's a much more complicated story). I also have a colleague who is a lovely person, yet drives me nuts with her permanent logorrhea. If only she thought before speaking, if only she thought before acting! If only she did not waste half of my day every day with pointless, loud (so loud!) chatter.
And then another colleague, who often puts people down to make herself feel better and is so preoccupied by wanting to look efficient and successful to those above her that she does not think about how her words and actions affect those below her.
I will have to face both of these women once back from maternity leave. And I know too well that I've so far failed at loving them and I want that to change – so challenge accepted!
Wanting to be loving is one thing, actually being loving is another, and loving tout court is in a completely different league. Making a decision is not enough – I've done that before and forgotten about it as soon as things got tough. So I needed a plan – and I think that I have one now.
Visualising their souls (following Tasha's suggestion in her comment to 'There's love... and there's love'.) is a good exercise – we have all been created in the image of God, and it is that image that I need to try and find in them, even if it seems to be a really curious aspect of God that I'm being shown there (as one of my minister friends said once). It's important to dig deeper. There is something lovable about everyone. Most likely there's more lovable about any person than there is unlovable about them. So it shouldn't be too hard to find – given a willing heart (and I'm determined to grow one of those before I go back to work).
Then I read this (in Roger Wolsey's 'Kissing Fish'): “That which we criticise the most in others is that which we struggle with most ourselves”. Ouch. That one stung! Because I do suffer from logorrhea a lot. I don't always think before I speak/act. I am often too preoccupied about my professional and personal image. And I am guilty of putting others down to make myself feel better – now, I hope that I do it only in my head, but I would not be surprised if it showed (I am not feeling particularly good about myself having realised all this).
Finally tere are two good 'tricks' (or spiritual exercises) I learnt about from wise people I met on my way:
(1) act and speak love and kindness to and about people you find difficult to love. It will require a sustained effort but feelings of love will follow in time (in the spirit of 1 John 3:18);
(2) pray for them with thankfulness – even if initially the only reason you'll be thankful is an opportunity to grow through the challenge they are to you.
Now what does all of the above have to do with motherhood? Well, my cute little Breadcrumb is likely to turn into a difficult teenager one day and it would be useful to be good at loving challenging people before that happens. But mostly because it will be my responsibility to teach him that one day.
Matthew 26:36-40 indeed shows us the direction – this kind of social love is indeed a big part of what it is all about. Being loving towards the strangers in need like this is not easy, in that it requires effort – we need to give up our time, energy and/or money, that we are not always willing to give up – it is however relatively easy as volunteering or supporting charities financially does not put us in relationships personal enough to challenge us to truly love. We can, of course, seek those relationships, but I dare say that it is rare. Most of us show up, serve a number of meals or do our shift at Winter Warmth, and go home feeling good about ourselves, having been loving towards others, but without having actually loved.
With our partners/husbands and children, it is usually fairly easy to both love them and be loving towards them, even if they exasperate us at times – and then it is not always easy to tend to the needs of our families with joy and gladness!
But then there is that one more group of people – the most tricky one in terms of love: people who unnerve us. There both loving them and being loving towards them is a challenge, yet it is something we all have to learn if we want to honestly call ourselves followers of Jesus (Matthew 5:44-47).
We all have people in our lives who fall into that category. For me, there's my Mother (but that's a much more complicated story). I also have a colleague who is a lovely person, yet drives me nuts with her permanent logorrhea. If only she thought before speaking, if only she thought before acting! If only she did not waste half of my day every day with pointless, loud (so loud!) chatter.
And then another colleague, who often puts people down to make herself feel better and is so preoccupied by wanting to look efficient and successful to those above her that she does not think about how her words and actions affect those below her.
I will have to face both of these women once back from maternity leave. And I know too well that I've so far failed at loving them and I want that to change – so challenge accepted!
Wanting to be loving is one thing, actually being loving is another, and loving tout court is in a completely different league. Making a decision is not enough – I've done that before and forgotten about it as soon as things got tough. So I needed a plan – and I think that I have one now.
Visualising their souls (following Tasha's suggestion in her comment to 'There's love... and there's love'.) is a good exercise – we have all been created in the image of God, and it is that image that I need to try and find in them, even if it seems to be a really curious aspect of God that I'm being shown there (as one of my minister friends said once). It's important to dig deeper. There is something lovable about everyone. Most likely there's more lovable about any person than there is unlovable about them. So it shouldn't be too hard to find – given a willing heart (and I'm determined to grow one of those before I go back to work).
Then I read this (in Roger Wolsey's 'Kissing Fish'): “That which we criticise the most in others is that which we struggle with most ourselves”. Ouch. That one stung! Because I do suffer from logorrhea a lot. I don't always think before I speak/act. I am often too preoccupied about my professional and personal image. And I am guilty of putting others down to make myself feel better – now, I hope that I do it only in my head, but I would not be surprised if it showed (I am not feeling particularly good about myself having realised all this).
Finally tere are two good 'tricks' (or spiritual exercises) I learnt about from wise people I met on my way:
(1) act and speak love and kindness to and about people you find difficult to love. It will require a sustained effort but feelings of love will follow in time (in the spirit of 1 John 3:18);
(2) pray for them with thankfulness – even if initially the only reason you'll be thankful is an opportunity to grow through the challenge they are to you.
Now what does all of the above have to do with motherhood? Well, my cute little Breadcrumb is likely to turn into a difficult teenager one day and it would be useful to be good at loving challenging people before that happens. But mostly because it will be my responsibility to teach him that one day.