I don’t know anyone who is perfect. It seems to me that nearly all spiritual belief systems have guidelines for living that no one can live up to all the time. It also seems to me that for many of those belief systems, children have a leg up on adults.
Take acceptance of and caring for others, as an example. Most religions, I think, have some variation of this idea of being hospitable, caring and loving to others as an important tenant. I think children are inclined to be more accepting of others than adults are. I have “plans” to take my son to pride parades and homeless shelters and to show him how we can give of our time and money to those who are in need, but I’m not sure that’s enough. How good of an example of being loving and accepting am I providing?
Not so good I am afraid. You see, I have a list of things that I don’t want my son playing with or even being around. I imagine every parent has a list of things they don’t want their children to get involved in or be around: from violence on TV, to foul language, to discussions and images of sex and the human body, to video games, to smokers, to motorcycles, to guns, to other children with guns, to drugs, to who knows what else. And for every one of those things, there is someone who thinks either that the thing isn’t dangerous, is just a fact of life that we might as well get used to now (no matter the age of our child) or that they can do it safely, somehow control the risk of danger.
Some of these things we all know that we will eventually have to compromise on. But others feel like they should be lines in the sand, where compromise is not an option. But, what happens when folks in your own family feel differently about such things?
I’d like to teach my son to be able to respectfully disagree with others and to learn to love and accept them anyway. But, how do I show respectful disagreement with and love and accept someone I feel so strongly that what they do is dangerous enough that I don’t want to be around them and I particularly don’t want my son around them?
How do you show love and respect to members of your own family when visiting their home feels a lot like riding in a car with no seatbelt? They swear it is okay because they’re a good driver, but it seems like an extremely unnecessary, extremely dangerous risk.
“Do as I say, not as I do.” That’s the saying. I will tell my son to love and accept those who are different or disagree, but that’s not what I do. And I don’t like that about myself, but I’m not willing to take the risk that it would be to change.