by Leah
Little Bit's dad and I are both aware that Little Bit may feel undue pressure to take on our religious views because, well, where we go, she goes--and we're pastors. And while one of her aunties is an atheist and we chose her godparents to offer some very different takes on Christianity (one is a Presbyterian minister; one is deeply involved in L'Arche; one is a UCC minister-in-training and puts substantial store in the spirit & ancestral world of African spirituality), she's still going to be primarily influenced by us--her parents.
Does anyone else feel a certain ambivalence about what, or how, to teach their children about God? I think it's at least in part because this is a Big Deal--parents, after all, indelibly shape their children's lives and shaping your child's faith life is a much more weighty prospect than shaping how they'll like their eggs cooked or their shoes tied. But for me (and maybe for other religious progressives?), there's also an element of "Who am I to tell someone else what to believe?" I suppose it's one of the pitfalls of being a relativist, able to perceive and validate the "why"s behind a lot of different people's experiences. So in general, although I feel really strongly about my beliefs being right for me, I won't preach at you to see things the way I do.[1]
Little Bit's dad and I are both aware that Little Bit may feel undue pressure to take on our religious views because, well, where we go, she goes--and we're pastors. And while one of her aunties is an atheist and we chose her godparents to offer some very different takes on Christianity (one is a Presbyterian minister; one is deeply involved in L'Arche; one is a UCC minister-in-training and puts substantial store in the spirit & ancestral world of African spirituality), she's still going to be primarily influenced by us--her parents.
Does anyone else feel a certain ambivalence about what, or how, to teach their children about God? I think it's at least in part because this is a Big Deal--parents, after all, indelibly shape their children's lives and shaping your child's faith life is a much more weighty prospect than shaping how they'll like their eggs cooked or their shoes tied. But for me (and maybe for other religious progressives?), there's also an element of "Who am I to tell someone else what to believe?" I suppose it's one of the pitfalls of being a relativist, able to perceive and validate the "why"s behind a lot of different people's experiences. So in general, although I feel really strongly about my beliefs being right for me, I won't preach at you to see things the way I do.[1]
The same goes for my views regarding secular topics. I won't try to convince you to be a vegetarian or get rid of your TV or shop exclusively at thrift stores or quit using shampoo (yes you read that right) [2]. But, perhaps hypocritically, there's a big ol' exception to my reluctance to evangelize about my views when it comes to my kid.[3] I'm happy to teach Little Bit how I feel about eating meat, watching TV, or retail shopping[4] because I really believe the way I see those things can make a difference in her life and in the world (and if someone has to teach her an initial attitude towards something, you better believe it's gonna be me and her dad). So why should religion be any different?
Well, to start, it's pretty easy to explain TV (and any limits on viewing it) to your child. Sure, there's discernment involved (TV isn't all bad OR good; you have to decide, then help your kids understand, what and how much to watch), but TV doesn't come with a whole lot of deep existential questions like "Why do Real Housewives happen to good networks?" or "How can TV be responsible for both Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars AND Orange is the New Black?"
When it comes to God, I'm pretty sure I don't have the answers to the corresponding questions and sometimes the answers I do have sound pretty lame, even to me (warning, process theology ahead): "God is Love, and as Love, does not have the power to coerce anyone to do anything, so...God just has to make the best of all the messed up stuff we humans do by trying to fix it through other distracted, self-centered humans who occasionally happen to pay enough attention to Love to do something about all the injustice and evil in the world." 5 year olds don't understand half of the vocabulary I just used, but they do understand that that's a highly unsatisfactory answer. Good luck, Mama.
Seriously, I wrestle all the time with who God is and what I'm supposed to do in response. But since I have, paradoxically, gotten an immense amount of peace, joy, purpose, community, and self-growth from this whole God business (despite not having most--any?--of the answers), I do want to try to pass some of it on to Little Bit. To stretch a mediocre analogy to its breaking point, I may not understand how the TV Guide in its infinite wisdom chooses what gets broadcast, but I sure don't want her to miss out on Sherlock.[5] Or Dr. Who. (Yes I did just equate all that is good in the world with the BBC.)
While listening to our favorite CDs for little people about God, it occurred to me that I could start by boiling it down to what are, for me, the basics. This is a method I learned from a mentor of mine--when you aren't sure what you believe about a lot of things, just stand on the "one square foot" of things you ARE sure about. And several of these Rain for Roots songs hit "one square foot" territory for me as they describe who God is in little people's lives vis-a-vis Bible stories:
Creation? God is the One who made everything, including you.
Noah? God is the One who cares for us in the storm. (We'll leave the part about killing all the rest of the world's population for later.)
Baby Moses? God is the One who knows just what little babies need.
David? God is the One who helps little children.
Daniel? God is the One who hears us when we pray and helps us to not be afraid.
Zacchaeus? Jesus is the One who sees, and loves, people who have a hard time seeing and being seen.
Other one-square-footers showcased in their songs:
Why did Jesus come to earth? To be with you.
The parable of the wedding feast? EVERYBODY's invited. (Again, we'll leave the part about throwing the underdressed guest into the outer darkness for later.) (Sidenote--maybe this is where my husband's fear of being dressed too casually at important events comes from?)
The parables of lost and found things? Jesus will come find you, especially when you're lost.
Jesus' teaching about sparrows and flowers? God provides.
Who is Jesus? The One who has everything we need.
Even
What happened on the cross? (where I definitely will not feel comfortable teaching Little Bit traditional atonement theory...) Jesus died, and came alive again, to show you--and the rest of humanity--Love.
There's a whole theology shaping up right there! I can work with this! In fact, I think this could've been a seminary paper...
So I'll stand on my one square foot, admit there's a lot I don't know, give Little Bit plenty of opportunities to get to know God on her own terms, and trust that kids are better at understanding stuff without all the explanations neatly laid out than we give them credit for.
It's a start.
Where do you all fall on figuring out what/how to teach kids the stuff for which you don't have answers?
[1]No seriously, I preach, but it's a lot of asking questions and "suggesting" and "inviting" and there's always a talkback time immediately following where you can challenge what I've just said.
[2]However, if you ASK me why I've chosen a certain path or practice...watch out. I will get all dreamy-eyed and go on and on about constructing your wardrobe entirely out of second hand clothes or using only baking soda and vinegar in your hair.
[3]Understanding that she'll obviously get to choose for herself in all these arenas when she grows up--see this post for more.
[4]Does anyone reading this have ideas about how to purposefully raise your kids on thrift stores only--specifically how to avoid the "I want new clothes like the other kids" syndrome and/or averting potential psychic damage resulting from always wearing secondhand clothing? Please share!
[5]I was going to say Sesame Street (much more age-appropriate, yes?) but Little Bit's namesake who is in the know about these kinds of things as he has a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old says that even Sesame Street has jacked up its pace and shortened its segments to cater to kids who haven't learned to sustain attention. I foresee a future of Little Bit's dad and I combing the black market for vintage Sesame Street episodes...
Well, to start, it's pretty easy to explain TV (and any limits on viewing it) to your child. Sure, there's discernment involved (TV isn't all bad OR good; you have to decide, then help your kids understand, what and how much to watch), but TV doesn't come with a whole lot of deep existential questions like "Why do Real Housewives happen to good networks?" or "How can TV be responsible for both Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars AND Orange is the New Black?"
When it comes to God, I'm pretty sure I don't have the answers to the corresponding questions and sometimes the answers I do have sound pretty lame, even to me (warning, process theology ahead): "God is Love, and as Love, does not have the power to coerce anyone to do anything, so...God just has to make the best of all the messed up stuff we humans do by trying to fix it through other distracted, self-centered humans who occasionally happen to pay enough attention to Love to do something about all the injustice and evil in the world." 5 year olds don't understand half of the vocabulary I just used, but they do understand that that's a highly unsatisfactory answer. Good luck, Mama.
Seriously, I wrestle all the time with who God is and what I'm supposed to do in response. But since I have, paradoxically, gotten an immense amount of peace, joy, purpose, community, and self-growth from this whole God business (despite not having most--any?--of the answers), I do want to try to pass some of it on to Little Bit. To stretch a mediocre analogy to its breaking point, I may not understand how the TV Guide in its infinite wisdom chooses what gets broadcast, but I sure don't want her to miss out on Sherlock.[5] Or Dr. Who. (Yes I did just equate all that is good in the world with the BBC.)
While listening to our favorite CDs for little people about God, it occurred to me that I could start by boiling it down to what are, for me, the basics. This is a method I learned from a mentor of mine--when you aren't sure what you believe about a lot of things, just stand on the "one square foot" of things you ARE sure about. And several of these Rain for Roots songs hit "one square foot" territory for me as they describe who God is in little people's lives vis-a-vis Bible stories:
Creation? God is the One who made everything, including you.
Noah? God is the One who cares for us in the storm. (We'll leave the part about killing all the rest of the world's population for later.)
Baby Moses? God is the One who knows just what little babies need.
David? God is the One who helps little children.
Daniel? God is the One who hears us when we pray and helps us to not be afraid.
Zacchaeus? Jesus is the One who sees, and loves, people who have a hard time seeing and being seen.
Other one-square-footers showcased in their songs:
Why did Jesus come to earth? To be with you.
The parable of the wedding feast? EVERYBODY's invited. (Again, we'll leave the part about throwing the underdressed guest into the outer darkness for later.) (Sidenote--maybe this is where my husband's fear of being dressed too casually at important events comes from?)
The parables of lost and found things? Jesus will come find you, especially when you're lost.
Jesus' teaching about sparrows and flowers? God provides.
Who is Jesus? The One who has everything we need.
Even
What happened on the cross? (where I definitely will not feel comfortable teaching Little Bit traditional atonement theory...) Jesus died, and came alive again, to show you--and the rest of humanity--Love.
There's a whole theology shaping up right there! I can work with this! In fact, I think this could've been a seminary paper...
So I'll stand on my one square foot, admit there's a lot I don't know, give Little Bit plenty of opportunities to get to know God on her own terms, and trust that kids are better at understanding stuff without all the explanations neatly laid out than we give them credit for.
It's a start.
Where do you all fall on figuring out what/how to teach kids the stuff for which you don't have answers?
[1]No seriously, I preach, but it's a lot of asking questions and "suggesting" and "inviting" and there's always a talkback time immediately following where you can challenge what I've just said.
[2]However, if you ASK me why I've chosen a certain path or practice...watch out. I will get all dreamy-eyed and go on and on about constructing your wardrobe entirely out of second hand clothes or using only baking soda and vinegar in your hair.
[3]Understanding that she'll obviously get to choose for herself in all these arenas when she grows up--see this post for more.
[4]Does anyone reading this have ideas about how to purposefully raise your kids on thrift stores only--specifically how to avoid the "I want new clothes like the other kids" syndrome and/or averting potential psychic damage resulting from always wearing secondhand clothing? Please share!
[5]I was going to say Sesame Street (much more age-appropriate, yes?) but Little Bit's namesake who is in the know about these kinds of things as he has a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old says that even Sesame Street has jacked up its pace and shortened its segments to cater to kids who haven't learned to sustain attention. I foresee a future of Little Bit's dad and I combing the black market for vintage Sesame Street episodes...