I've been looking back at the last year of my life recently (more on that in another post) and I've realised how much I've changed and learnt this past year. No surprises there, motherhood is a steep learning curve. But I've changed and learnt in ways I'd never expected. I've learnt to be more detached in my job that used to eat me alive as I took it way too personally. I've learnt that love indeed can endure a lot more than I thought myself capable of. I've gained a better understanding of how God loves me. But the most important thing motherhood taught me is to better love God.
It's not that I didn't love Him before, I did, but I loved him like an adult, reflectively, intellectually, prayerfully, joyfully in worship. Motherhood with all its challenges took my relationship with God to a whole new level - because there were times when all I could do was cry and stretch my arms out, like Breadcrumb does when he falls and hurts himself, or when he's hungry, or tired, or when anything else is not right in his world. My son's love and need for me is just like my love and need for God but he's so much better at living it!
So I watch and learn and try to lift my joy, or frustration, or thankfulness, or tiredness to God without dressing it in unnecessary words - just stretch out my arms and cry, or smile, or sing, or groan, trusting that He'll always be there to smile back at me or pick me up and hold me and kiss the pain away, like I do for Breadcrumb.