Sometime when I was about 5 or 6, there was a falling out between ministers at my church. My father liked our senior minister who “won” the falling out and continued to attend. My mother, however, like many of the other members of our church, preferred our music minister who “lost” the falling out and stopped attending. This was actually a wonderful thing for us children. We had a choice of whether to attend church or not. I went more often than not, likely because it afforded me time with my father whom I adored and gave me space from my mother whom I struggled to connect with, but it also meant I voluntarily chose church and God.
I really think that making the choice to go to church and having the option to stay home, helped develop my faith. At a certain point, belief and faith are choices you must make. And I honestly don’t think dictating beliefs to anyone, including children, makes sense. For me it wasn’t a choice between either accepting my parent’s beliefs or rebelling; it was choosing to believe or not. That allowed me to choose God without it being about my parents and that was good for me.
As a start, I’ve collected books. I’ve bought children books on UU and a progressive children’s book about Jesus geared to both believers and non-believers. I’ve even got my favorite child’s Bible storybook from my childhood on his shelf. At just three and half months, he’s not a fan of my reading to him yet (though I keep trying), but I have this vision of his being a little bigger and each night we read two stories, one he chooses and one I choose. That book I choose is my chance to impart a little of what I want him to know and to be. I don’t know how well it will work, but that, combined with setting an example by going to church and otherwise living my faith, is a plan. And it’s more than I think my parents had for me.
Still, there is a part of me that’s preparing mentally for it to not work. I’m teaching him what I want him to know, but in raising him UU, I’m giving him an opportunity to reject it. I have to be prepared for him to do just that. Of course, children raised in Christian churches reject it also. The difference is, I suppose, that I believe that his soul is safe even if he rejects the path I’m directing him towards, which is perhaps what makes me more UU than Christian.