One of my favorite bloggers wrote a post awhile ago about what one is allowed to say to a pregnant woman:
1. You look great!
2. Would you like to sit down?
3. Can I get you a cookie?
Her point being, there are a lot of OTHER things one should NOT say to a pregnant woman, mostly involving her appearance (girth, weight, water retention, tiredness, etc. etc.).
Now I would like to further extend the life of this great idea with a list of things you are allowed to say to a new mom:
1. You look great!
2. Can I carry that for you?
3. What chore can I come over to your house and do for you? No really.
The point of this list also being that there are a LOT of things you should NOT say to new moms. (And also that people generally offer to do housework for you but how many new moms are actually going to pick up a phone and call you to come do their laundry? Not many. So you should actually make a date and make good on it. Because we new (and not so new!) mamas, and papas,* need our laundry done. And dinner cooked. Oh and can someone for the love of dust bunnies please come vacuum our stairs? Now that Little Bit is crawling--well, thinking about crawling--on them it's become quite apparent that they're growing things.)
I got to thinking about this today when someone at work made a comment about my post-baby weight. (HINT: weight-based comments are NOT on the list of what you're allowed to say.) And lest you imagine that post-baby weight comments only tip in one direction, let me clarify that saying with utter disgust "You are SO SKINNY," as if one's post-baby weight were a personal affront to the women of the world who hold on to a bit more evidence of growing a real live human inside of them (!) or who didn't grow their human but who cared for their ex-utero human so consumingly they had neither time nor energy for daily pilates nor eating paleo--that's just as much out-of-bounds as "Looks like you've still got a few pounds to go there!" I've heard both.
It is tempting to write more here about women's bodies and objectification and how permissible it is for other people (men AND women) to comment on women's bodies like they're produce on sale at the grocery store. But I'll save that soapbox for Facebook and, as this is a faith-based blog, I'm instead gonna go with what scripture has to say about this kind of thing (besides MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS):
"For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well."
(Psalm 139:13-14)
The word "fearfully" here carries the connotation not so much of fear as we're used to thinking of it, but moreso of awe: "I am awesomely" or "awe-inducingly" and wonderfully made. God made our bodies and declares them awesome and wonderful (not to mention the creation story where they're declared just flat out "good"). But moreover, humans are made that way in our mothers' wombs...so not only are mothers' bodies that have been transformed by bearing and/or caring for a small person awesome and wonderful, they were made doubly so by the very act of providing a place for God to make someone else awesome and wonderful.
Mamas of the world, let us celebrate the marks of being made awesomely and wonderfully and of helping to make others awesome and wonderful, rather than wishing or shaming them away. And if anyone tries to engage you in the latter, send them to my house. I have an oven that needs cleaning.
*Lest you imagine that only mamas need help with housework because it's only their job to do it...let's just call that ridiculous. My significant other does a lot of dishes and laundry and generally gets stuck with cleaning the house when we have guests coming over because he works from home and I do not. But alas, chores are capable of overwhelming parents of all genders. So we still need our stairs vacuumed.